Tribute

I had to tell her. Not because she could solve the problem, because without describing the whole ordeal to you, let me say that this particular problem was essentially un-solvable. But I needed to tell her anyway, because it felt wrong not to.

So I explained the entire situation. We hadn't had an actual conversation in weeks, and certainly not about something positive in much longer than that. Our lives have gotten sadly complicated recently, moreso probably than either of us ever anticipated. She listened intently, as I knew she would, and when the story was over, she paused.

"You don't need me to tell you what to do," she said then, without judgement. "You need to walk away from the whole thing. But then again, that's probably easy for me to say from out here. Still-- it's your only solution." Again, as she always is... she was right. And for some reason, hearing what I already knew, coming from her, allowed me to genuinely know it. And I was able to exhale.

This is the way our friendship has always been. We have survived all sorts of unpleasantries ... as in any friendship. We've seen the ugliest things about each other. We lived together, so when I say ugliest... you can only imagine what I must mean. The worst cases of jealousy, boy crazy, depression, anxiety, bingeing, puking, drinking, fits, fights, family crisis, love and loss that any two people can live through in two years. We did it all together. And whatever was formed in the air between us those days and nights, during the drunk times, the happiest times, the worst times...has turned into a friendship that hundreds of miles and a few years apart has not been able to challenge.

This is a girl, worlds smarter than I am and just as busy, who reads every word I have ever written... and considers each and every one. Good or bad...I am accepted and never judged. Right or wrong, these things I say are applied to her as the truth of who I am, and thus, who we are as friends. How we have grown as people, and where we came to get here.

I am so lucky, because she doesn't even know that she is these things. She doesn't realize that she enables me to be a pain in the ass almost constantly, and doesn't hold it against me. "It's who you are," she'll say. And that is simply that. She allows me to say, "I told you so," and even says it for me sometimes. "I know, you told me. I can't believe it." And I laugh. And then so does she.

I'll end the gushing here. Except to say that I'm lucky a dozen times over to have 12 of the greatest close friends the world could possibly have offered me. She is one, though, who currently deserves a tribute all her own. Thanks, then... for being the best. Not just to me, I know, because these characteristics that I so admire and appreciate in you, are those things which make you the girl that a million people know and love. We're all lucky.
Thanks for the last few months, the last few years, and all of the years to come. It is going to get better, easier, and more normal for us all some day. I'm not sure if you need to hear that-- but I'd like to believe it for myself. And in the mean time... I'm here too. Hopefully even half of the friend to you, that you have been to me.



"You’re being a psycho,” I mentioned one day in passing.
“I know, Jen.” Was all she said, which was good enough for me.
[from, Through the Glass]

"Those were the best days of my life"