Gone But Not Forgotten

I am happy to report that I have verified the conspicuous absence of MGM in my up and coming visit to NC. Thank God.

I don't mean to dramatize him. He isn't much of an issue in my life anymore, and hasn't been for some time. The problem is me, really. I am terrible at letting go. Mostly of people, also of places and things. The fact that I'm even going back to Charlotte is kind of funny, especially to the people I left there. I complained constantly. And now I miss it terribly.

I think that my unwillingness to abandon people, places and things from my past is a great hindrance. It prohibits me from moving forward without longing for what's behind. It can complicate present relationships and misconstrue feelings that would otherwise be quite simple. However... as is usually the case, I also find this weakness to be one of my greatest attributes. Isn't this always the way?

It's important, maybe, to not let go. Place things in their proper perspective, yes. But by keeping them with you, their lessons are not forgotten, their gifts are not abandoned in the past.

Back to present day, The Boy was telling me this weekend that he remains friends with everyone he has ever dated. "Why wouldn't I?" he asked, when I looked surprised. I cited potentially broken hearts, damaged egos, etc. His response, as usual- quite rational, was that he liked this person for a reason, and whatever the circumstances of the breakup, this reason probably hasn't changed. "Fair enough," I said. And it turns out to be true. MGM is one of the only "ex" whatever's that I hadn't been able to communicate with in a positive manner. Too much hostility, no presence of mind. So we stopped communicating altogether. It turns out, despite the broken heart AND damaged ego, I still miss his friendship.

So we spoke today- briefly- in an email. Which is a cop-out, I know it. But it removed some of his power as a ghost from my past. There might not be a relationship anymore, but there doesn't have to be nothing, either. I think it's alright to want to hold on. After all... your past is part of your present, and lends itself to your future. Why let it go?

For me, Charlotte is gone, so is MGM (again, thank God.) But that doesn't mean they have to be forgotten.