Excerpt

“But you never even hesitated like you might not want to tell me.”

“Why, Cody?” I yelled. “Wasn’t it obvious? Didn’t you already know the answer then? You knew or you wouldn’t have asked!” I stared at him desperately, and he stared back through me, unmoving. He wanted me to protect him, but it was me he needed protection from. I looked to the ground. The train, speeding along, jolted against the side of the tracks. I could see his body bump with the sudden motion, then settle back into the seat, all in just one second. I looked up. He closed his eyes.

There could have been a dozen other people on that train. I don’t know. All I could see was Cody. And in my mind, both Peyton, and me. All terribly alone together. The silence seemed endless. I’d never been so lost in a silence in all my life. It simply hung there in the air between us. Unyielding, without any hope at all. I would have died to fill that silence.

“Don’t you see the way that I look at you?” He asked then. More sadly than angry this time. “Can’t you tell that I think your smile, your eyes are the most beautiful I’ve ever seen? That you…you being happy, is all that’s required for my own happiness?” I remained focused on the floor beneath us. I knew he was going for my heart now. No longer in the hope of winning it. But now, without knowing, he was reaching out to break it. To even the unsettled score.

“You, Amerie. That’s all that I need. And what you are, everything that you are, has never been enough for him. For whatever reason, under what superficial categories you’re falling terribly short, I’ll never know. But I know, and you know, Amerie…you know that he doesn’t love you. So go ahead then, and judge yourself based on that. On the lack of whatever you wish you could be to suit him. But remember, while you’re adding up all of the places and ways in which you’ve fallen terribly, terribly short… remember that your very flawed, undeserving self, was always, much more than enough for me.”

I looked at him, and his eyes filled with tears. Tears of truly, desperate heartbreak. I knew that heartbreak. I looked back to the floor, yet unable to speak. What I realized then, was that if given a gun, or a promise each...our choices would be quite different. I would kill Cody, and he would marry me. Neither of us would even think twice.

[from Gorgeous]