The Remnants of Wine Week

Ahhhh wine week. The time in New York, when contrary to the amount of work piled upon your desk, and all of your better judgement, you flee from the office one to five afternoons in a row to slug down glass after glass of free wine and expensive steak at the cost of your company's expense account or the companies of your clients. The Maloney and Porcelli group, which consists of a handful of restaurants throughout the city, sponsor the event in March, and once again in September. The food is outstanding, the wine...unlimited. It's a joyous holiday.
It's Christmas for grown-up's.

But sadly, like all good things, wine week comes at a price. Some potential losses incurred by this holiday of excess can be one's clothing (which by the end of any given wine week lunch may be covered in part or entirely with purple, gloppy stains) one's immediate health (puking in the sink at your office when returning to check your email and voicemail before heading BACK to the restaurant for part two), reputation (too many stories to cite) and in some cases, even their jobs. As far as I know, no one was fired on account of their behavior at this year's wine week celebration. However, I was party to a conversation between my manager and a media buyer, whom he somehow coersed into purchasing $6,000 worth of Mets spots on the UPN station in Hartford Connecticuit. Without explaining all of the reasons this is wrong...allow me to tell you this particular buyer will be regretting the deal on Monday.

This year, I only made it out one afternoon. One of our AE's managed to add an extra seat onto their reservation @ Smith & Wollensky's on Friday afternoon, which some of you might know...is nearly impossible. But sadly, due to a last minute project deadline, I had to send Dallas-Ryan to the lunch in my stead. So my entire bar time was probably only four hours. In that time...I came up with a pretty sizeable top-ten list of reasons that wine week is absolutely fabulous. And also the worst idea anyone has ever had. Here goes:

One~
Me: Look, there's P.L. Who's he with?
My Boss: The chick he bangs when his wife and kids aren't around.

Two~
Smith & Wollensky waiter: (shaking head in horror) I've worked here for ten years. I've never seen anything like this. I've never seen adults act like this. I've never seen so much wine in my life. I'm going home.

Three~
Coworker: (Shouting across the bar) Don't slip a rufee in my drink! I'll make out with you anyway! I don't need the date rape drug!

Four~
Me, puking in the sink @ the office. Yeah... that was me.

Five~
The entire table of MMN employees singing karaoke at their lunch table.

Six~
After the above mentioned Mets deal was struck, the same buyer accidentally dousing our ENTIRE table and eventually himself with an entire bottle of white wine. Then passing out in his chair.

Seven~
Someone gave me a bag of weed, which I don't smoke, so I handed it to a total stranger in the middle of the croweded restaurant. And shouted, "Here ya go! Do you smoke?" As far as I know, I didn't get arrested.

Eight~
EVERYONE'S teeth were black. Which is gross.

Nine~
I ran into JW, a previously mentioned coworker, in the ladies room after lunch and before moving to the downstairs bar. She was shaking terribly and had a wild look in her eye. "What's wrong with you?" I asked. "This is my fourth lunch this week," she said sounding frightened. "I don't think I'm going to make it."

Ten~
One of our clients, who is all of about 5feet tall and 90lbs, being lifted up by a member of upper management and carried, football style, across the restaurant. "Because look at her! She's so tiny"

God love you wine week. And thanks for not killing me!